


Cocaine Jesus

by ShadowLikesPie



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Universe, Fluff, I wrote this right after s5 but am just now posting it, Keith misses the palafamily, Krolia, Lance (Voltron) Has ADHD, M/M, Make Keith Laugh Again 2k18, Mother Son Bonding, Riperoni, and some sad, both Lance and Keith have ADHD, soft angst, this fic is wishful thinking about s6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 13:08:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14895191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowLikesPie/pseuds/ShadowLikesPie
Summary: Night had become so cold without him.Title from the song 'Cocaine Jesus' by Rainbow Kitten Surprise.





	Cocaine Jesus

_In my head, in my head I get lonely sometimes_  
_When you find an old picture of us and you clear away the dust_  
_I hope you miss me sometimes._

 

The Blade’s base was so cold during nighttime. It wasn’t the soft hum of the castle at night, the content quiet of knowing you were close to people you cared about.

The Blades didn’t care about individuals, so Keith tried to stop thinking about a select five, somewhere out there.

But when it was night, when no one was around, Keith let himself think about how cold this place was. How there wasn’t any weird midnight interactions with Coran, no running into Shiro after he’d had a bad nightmare and having long talks that stretched into the morning. There wasn’t any silent reflection with Pidge, staring at all of the stars; both of them wondering where their families were. Here, he didn’t get midnight snacks from Hunk, along with a small, knowing smile when Keith asked how he knew how he craved food after an especially bad nightmare. There wasn’t Allura, quietly answering his questions about the Galra before Zarkon went crazy; her happiness to oblige with his curiosities about his other race.

  
Most of all, and strangely enough, there wasn’t Lance. Lance with his cocky smile when he asked him why he was up so late, even though he was up as well. Lance staring wistfully at the stars, quietly wondering how far they were from Earth, from his family. Lance making fun of him for training so late, but then asking him if he could help him with his close combat.

Hours of training with Lance, tripping him with his feet, laughing at his weak attempt at an uppercut. Slowly getting surprised, gradually starting to startle at the determined glint in Lance’s eyes. Getting knocked on his ass by the taller boy, and only being able to feel pride.  
Here, Lance didn’t knock on his door when he heard Keith screaming. Here, Lance didn’t come in and wordlessly offer to go on a walk with a hand. Here, Lance didn’t talk aimlessly about the strangest things because he knew it helped Keith get his mind off of the dream. When Keith began to fidget, Lance would just quietly plop one of his own stim toys in Keith’s writhing hands. A quiet understanding, a silent nod.

Keith didn’t have any of it here. He didn’t realize how much he needed it, until it was gone.

A hand on his shoulder caused him to whip around, immediately with his knife in hand. When he saw who it was, he lowered the weapon slowly.  
Krolia had her hands up in surrender, dipping her head.

  
“I’m sorry, it’s just,” She pointed to his face. “You’re..” Keith raised a hand to his cheek, wincing when he felt the wetness there.

  
“It’s fine.”

  
Krolia hummed, sitting down next to him. “Your father used to do that when he was very upset. Are you upset?” Keith sighed.

  
“I’m fine, Krolia.” He muttered. It felt too strange to call her mom, so he’d stuck with Krolia since they’d returned to the Blade’s base.  
She just hummed again, just as bad at dealing with emotions as Keith. For a while they just sat there, staring at the black hole just outside the base.

  
“I miss my friends.” Keith murmured, not really sure why he said it. Maybe it was because Krolia was the first blade that had been shown to care about individuals, maybe it was because she was his mother.

  
Maybe he was just tired of silence.

“I miss your father.” Krolia replied, and that was that.

  
Neither of them said another word the rest of the night.

—  
Whenever Kolivan tells Keith they’ll be contacting Voltron, he gets an almost painful surge of excitement. He never really gets to say a word, but just seeing them, seeing all of them safe and alive and acting the same as usual is enough. It’s enough for Keith to have a soft smile on his face when he doesn’t think anyone is looking.

  
This time, Krolia stands with them, watching curiously as the tech brings up a picture of the team. Keith’s eyes immediately land on Lance, currently talking in a low voice to Shiro.

  
“I said back off, Lance.” Shiro stated in a cold voice, edged with anger.  
Lance stepped away, features crumpling. Keith frowned in confusion, opening his mouth to ask what the hell was that, but Shiro was already turning, talking to Kolivan with a strangely stoic expression. Keith glanced a look over at Lance, who was currently wringing his hands together and biting his lip, clearly distressed.

Keith immediately empathized, knowing that type of restlessness anywhere. It was one of the reasons they’d gotten over the ridiculous rivalry: both having the same problem. ADHD wasn’t even a word Keith understood that well until Lance, who showed him all of the stim toys he carried on his person, who he could look at and instantly relate whenever they’d been debriefing over a mission for a painfully long time.

Where were his stim toys now? He usually kept them on his person at all times, had he lost them? Keith bit his lip, wanting to do something, anything to try and help. Lance had began to tap his foot, and he only did that when he was starting to feel anxiety kick in. Keith sighed, making a split second decision.

  
“Lance. “ Every head in the room whipped towards him, Kolivan especially nailing him with a burning anger. Keith just rolled his eyes. Kolivan could suck his dick.

“Breathe.”

And immediately Lance looked like a fish out of water, mouth opening and closing as he tried to say something, anything, and Keith just laughed. It was the first time he’d laughed in what felt like years. He momentarily stopped, touching his lips with wonder.

Allura frowned at him, turning to Lance with the same frown. “Lance? Are you alright?” Lance tried to smile, use his usual finger guns.

  
“Always, Princess.” He said, but his voice wavered.

Allura sighed softly, pointing at the door. Lance mumbled a ‘sorry’, something Keith would have kicked his ass for, had he been there, but he was already gone.

Keith stared at the spot where he’d been for a while after he was gone.

The rest of the call went on with an awkward sort of tension, and after it ended Kolivan immediately whirled on him, yelling about the importance of not wasting time. Keith just rolled his eyes throughout all of it, leaving the second he was done with his long winded rant.

Later, Krolia found him at the same spot he’d been the night before. He was hugging his knees to his chest, burying his head into them.  
She sat down beside him without a word. It was a soft quiet with her, Keith realized. She warmed the air next to him. Perhaps it was because of this that Keith spoke.

“I miss _him_.” He whispered, finally admitting it.  
Once again, Krolia just hummed.

—  
The next time he saw Lance, it was in the middle of battle. They were infiltrating one of the Galra bases still in revolt over Lotor’s new reign, and Keith had been assigned to take out the sentries guarding the central control room.

They just kept coming, from every direction. It seemed like when he struck down one, two more showed up. Keith felt himself slowly sink into hyperfocus, the only thoughts running through his head training maneuvers. Evade, dodge, block. Parry, strike, roll, evade, fuck he’s right behind, fuckfuckfuck-

A familiar high pitched cry, and the sentry behind him was falling, clearly cut in two.

Keith whirled around. “Lance?” The blue paladin stood there, a smug grin on his face as he twirled a huge broadsword in his fingers.  
“When did you- A sword?” Lance smirked, clearly pleased with his reaction.

  
“Later, Mullet. Right now we have more pressing problems than my amazing swordsmanship.” Keith snapped out of it at that, face settling into a glare.

“Your stance is terrible.” He deadpanned, before taking his own sword out of a destroyed sentry. “But let’s see if your fighting is any better.” With a shared smirk, a quick glance, and a nod, they were off.

Fighting with Lance felt like fighting next to water. Lance flowed, he was the coolheaded focus that Keith knew came from all those hours of close combat training. He was the water next to Keith’s fire, waves arcing upwards to meet his own tongues of flame. When they touched, there was always bound to be a strong reaction.

Eventually, they stood amongst countless empty husks of Galra sentries, the huge smile on Lance’s face infectious. Lance laughed, and Keith found himself laughing too. And for some reason, both of them just stood there dissolving into strange, crazed laughter, gripping each other for support. When it all died down, they were left, just staring at each other.

  
“I haven’t seen you in person in like, a year, man.” Lance marveled, and Keith snorted.

“Well, you had a grand entrance back into my life.” Lance grinned at this, pumping a fist into the air.

“Hell yeah I did.” He went silent for a second, before speaking again, “Is my stance really that bad?”

Keith shrugged. “It’s not too bad for first starting, but yeah, you could use some work. “ Lance frowned. “I’ll help.” Keith offered before he even registered it coming out of his mouth, but the returning stunning smile he got from Lance was enough. With Lance, those were always enough.  
  
When the eye contact began to feel awkward, Lance coughed. “We’d better meet up with the rest of the team.”

Keith nodded, shaking himself out of it.  
“Yeah.”

When they met up with the rest of the team, Keith was forcibly hugged by Hunk and Pidge. He laughed, hugging them back with a soft smile. Krolia stood not too far behind, watching with a curious look on her face.

Shiro stepped up, and Keith grinned, immediately wrapping the person that was closest to family,(besides Krolia), in a hug. When he pulled back, however, something seemed off. Shiro’s smile seemed strained.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Keith asked, but Shiro just shook his head.

“Nothing. Just a headache. It’s good to see you, Keith. Good work today.”

Keith rolled his eyes. “Shiro, you’re not my leader anymore.” Instead of laughing, like he used to, Shiro’s face just tightened.

Before Keith could ask him what the hell, Allura and Coran were there, squeezing the life out of him. Being crushed between two extremely strong aliens was not ideal, but Keith couldn’t find it in himself to care. Not when Allura was whispering “Thank all the gods you’re safe.” And Coran was yelling over enthusiastically: “Its so good to see you, my boy!”

When they finally released him, Kolivan was there, a hand on his shoulder. “Keith, it’s time to go.”

Keith felt his throat tighten. He turned to say goodbye, but he was suddenly met with an armful of Cuban sharpshooter, Lance’s face burying into his neck. Keith immediately flushed a dark red, awkwardly wrapping his arms around Lance.

“Don’t die.” Lance mumbled into his shoulder, and Keith’s lips parted in shock.

When Lance pulled away, Keith found himself missing his warmth. Keith just stared at him, a flush still staining his cheeks.

Lance smiled shyly at him, before his face morphed. “Wait! I have something for you.”

He reached a hand into a pocket Keith didn’t even know their paladin suits had, pulling out a stim toy. He plopped it into Keith’s hands, grinning. “Thanks, for uh, y’know.”  
Lance was flushing now, and Keith just stared at the boy, shocked. “I figured they don’t know shit about ADHD at that base, so..” He trailed off. “Keith?”

“Thank you.” Keith murmured, and Lance just flushed darker.

“No big deal. I found some more at the space mall, so.” Keith wrapped his fingers around the toy.

“Really, Lance. Thank you.”

Lance smiled softly for a moment, before shaking himself out of it. In a second, his usual facade was up, complete with wild hand gestures and loud ramblings:

“Yeah yeah, I know, I’m a great friend; go back to being emo with your sword friends..” he trailed off. Keith laughed, and nodded. Kolivan was glaring daggers into his back, so Keith gave Lance a small wave before turning and running back into their ship.

  
“Hey, Mullet!” Lance shouted as Keith ran, startling the other boy. “Stay safe, okay?” His voice was just as full of the mirth and playfulness that Keith remembered, but something else was there, too.

A genuine worry, laced in between the fractures of Lance’s voice. Keith grinned.

The entire ride back, he stared at the toy in his hands with a soft, awestruck wonder that had Krolia humming much more than usual.

—  
"You should visit." The words stunned Keith into silence.

Pidge had somehow found a way to make a new comm link that only pinged Keith's personal comm built into his suit. She refused to state who's idea this was, but it made Keith ridiculously pleased nonetheless. Currently, it was in the middle of the night, usually the time of night he and Krolia sat in silence by the windows. But instead, he was talking to Pidge via the new comm. It was only the second time they'd used it.

"I saw you guys a few weeks ago." Keith mumbled. It wasn't that he didn't want to see them, he was simply confused as to why they'd want him to so soon after their reunion.

"Keith, that was almost two months ago." Keith's head snapped up.

"What?" Pidge's expression softened.

  
"Come home." She said, smiling a bit. "I'm sure the Blades can do without your moping for a few days."

  
"I don't _mope_ -"

  
"Yes you do." She cut him off. "All I'm asking is that you think about it, alright? Lance won't shut up about you promising to help him with his sword, which is kind of a bad image but hey, no judgement. "

  
Keith reddened.  
" _Pidge_. " The gremlin burst into laughter.

  
"Well, I've gotta go. Duty calls. But Keith?" He looked up. "We miss you here."  
Keith's lips parted, but before he could reply the link cut. He ended up whispering,

  
"I miss you guys, too." Into empty air.

Later, when Keith finally joined Krolia at the windows; he immediately spoke.

  
"What's your definition of home?"  
Krolia blinked owlishly at him.  
"Where I sleep?" She tried, and Keith snorted.

"On Earth, there's this saying. I always thought it was dumb, but maybe there's some truth to it." Krolia just blinked again, but Keith took it as reasoning enough to continue. "Something about how home can be a person, too. Or a group of people, I guess." His mother studied him for a moment.

"These paladins of Voltron, they're your home." She didn't phrase it as a question, but as simply fact.

  
Keith abruptly groaned, burying his head into his knees. Krolia stared at him, quite obviously concerned.  
"I mean-maybe? Pidge said come home but what does that even mean? The shack I lived in, that was a home of sorts, right?" He dug a hand through his hair, stressing himself out with how fast his mind was working. Emotions that came on this fast always made him overtly frustrated.

  
Krolia had a pained expression on her face.  
"I'm sorry Keith, I don't know." Keith sighed.

  
"I don't expect you to; I just like voicing the stuff going through my head. If that makes sense." She brightened at this, clearly understanding what he meant.

  
"I do the same." Krolia looked strangely pleased at having something in common with him, and Keith found himself smiling. It was weird, talking to her. They were similar in the strangest of ways.

He tangled with the stim toy Lance had given him, exhaling deeply when his restless anxiety began to lower. Krolia eyed it.  
"What is that for?" She asked, blinking at him.

  
"Uh, it's kind of.." Keith paused, mouth working. "It helps me focus, and not be as restless? Like, I usually rush into everything and it gives my mind time to catch up to my body, I guess?" Keith scratched the back of his neck. Trying to explain was so..hard to anyone that wasn't Lance.

He missed the easiness that came with mutual understanding.

Krolia nodded, seeming to understand in some way. Keith smiled brightly when she nodded without any confusion.

This was the longest conversation they'd ever had, Keith realized abruptly. Usually they just sat in mutual silence for a few hours. He decided that he was okay with it, this newfound easiness with his mother.

"Who was that boy?" Krolia asked, seemingly reading the mood and understanding that more personal questions were okay, for now. After the original mission when he found her, she had treated him much like a spooked animal. For good reason. Keith still didn't know how to interact with her, but there was still that deep craving inside him since childhood.

The longing of wanting a family. Krolia seemed to feel it too, if these nightly interactions were anything to go by. Keith wondered briefly if she'd been as lonely as him.

"Lance?" His mouth smiled around the name naturally. "He's annoying, and pushy and dramatic. He's whiny and lazy."

"And yet, you seem very fond of him." Keith looked out the window, contemplating for a moment.

"Yeah, well. He's the glue that holds the team together." He sighed.

"You should visit them." Krolia stated, and Keith soured.

"That's what Pidge said. But I don't really- I'm not a paladin anymore." The last part came as a soft confession, barely more than a whisper.

Krolia turned to look at him in the eyes. "Keith. What vessel you fly doesn't determine whether or not you belong."

He looked away, groaning again. As usual, his anxiety was turning into anger and frustration. The familiar feeling of his blood rising to his face, the tightness beginning to set in. Krolia's words were true, but his brain didn't know how to process that at that moment; so instead it was turning to what it did best. Impulsivity.

Krolia didn't seem to see the signs, so she continued: "I'm sure they're going to want you no matter what."

At that, Keith's anxiety and frustration came to a peak, and he turned to her with fire in his eyes.

"How would _you_ know? It's not like you did."

The words were biting, spit from his mouth so rapidly he didn't have time to catch them. It was always that way with the things he regretted most.

And with the way Krolia was looking at him, he felt ice settle in where fire had once been. But Keith was a creature of pride. He wasn't one to apologize; he wasn't one to backtrack. So he turned, feeling the ice crack.  
And he turned and ran, feeling the ice shatter.

  
\--  
_Incoming call._

_Receive?_

Keith stared blankly at the call appearing, figuring it was Pidge.

He wasn't exactly in the mood for interaction, not after that. But at the same time, he ached. Ached for people that weren't threaded in with years of sadness and anger and questions. He ached for someone that didn't make him question if he was worth being around.

In a moment of decisive impulsivity, he hit the blinking receive button. But it wasn't Pidge who appeared.

Keith blinked in surprise.  
"Lance?"

The Cuban boy looked disheveled, the say the least. His hair was mussed in the way hair got after hands had been running through it viscously, deep eye bags where there was usual flawlessly smooth skin.  
' _Still beautiful.'_ The thought whispered through his brain, weaving in like smoke and leaving so quickly that Keith had to wonder if it was ever really there. It still left him shaken, however.

Lance attempted at a smile, but it was so obviously forced that Keith had to fight to smile back. Not that Keith's own smile was any better.

"Hey, man." Lance said, and his voice was so..Weary. Keith frowned.

"What's going on?" He asked, cutting straight to the point. Lance laughed, but it was weak.

"I can't call just to call?"

"Not with me."

The boy sighed at this, raking fingers through his hair. Keith felt an abrupt longing to touch it, to smooth it down where Lance's panicked fingers had destroyed it.

The thought, just as the one previously, came quickly and left just as fast. But the residue stayed long after.

"I don't know how to put this, but, here goes nothing. We..we need you, man." Lance scratched the back of his neck, but when he looked up at Keith his eyes were pleading. Keith's brow furrowed.

"Did something happen to Shiro?" Keith's eyes widened. "Or you?"

Lance seemed startled by the concern in his voice, red blooming across his cheeks. He bit his lip, hands wringing together rapidly.  
"Stim?" Keith asked, and Lance shrugged.

  
"In my room." After a few beats, Lance spoke again. "I'm still the best pilot, so no worries there." His attempt at light heartedness fell flat, and Keith's face told him that. Very clearly.

"So Shiro?" Keith asked, voice wavering slightly. More viscous attacks on Lance's hair, but he remained silent.

"Lance. What's going on?" His voice wavered. "Lance, I need you to tell me what the hell is going on." Keith's tone hardened, freezing over.

"I don't know!" Lance finally burst, looking so..sad. Keith looked at the eye bags carving his once-flawless skin with a twang of something.  
Among the concern and anger for Shiro, Keith noticed the slightest twinge of heartbreak. For _Lance_.

He didn't look like the goofy sharpshooter anymore.  
He looked like someone trying to survive in the midst of war.

And God, if that didn't mean something was seriously fucked with the world.

"He's just.. Not himself anymore." Lance was speaking again, voice hushed and scared. "He keeps snapping at all of us and just...He's not the same Shiro you know, Keith."

Looking at Lance, at the heartbreak and the fear and the stress in once-shining blue eyes, Keith felt something solidify. He would not lay around while the only people who had ever given him a home struggled. Practically a declaration, he spoke:

"I'm coming back."

Lance didn't have the opportunity to respond. Keith was already gone.

But this time, he'd be coming back.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was purely self indulgent and I wrote it like m o n t h s ago so  
> But I just now remembered to post it so here ya gO kIdS  
> ((shameless self promo: if you liked this, check out my multichapter klance fic 'don't make purple'!))
> 
> Come cry about these boys with me on tumblr @simon-says-nothing


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